Sugar Relationships in South Africa and Brazil: Sex, Affection, and Consumption

When someone gets unexpected money and says they've been "blessed," or jokes that someone "blessed" them with a gift, they may be closer to the sugar world than they think. In South Africa, the word blesser refers to men who give money, gifts, and other material benefits to younger women with whom they have romantic and sexual relationships. The idea even shows up on social media: young women posted photos of luxury gifts from their partners, with references to a "blessed" life. A blessing that might include handbags, clothes, trips, and a healthier bank balance.

This is the world Thais Henriques Tiriba explores in her article Sugar relationships: sexo, afeto e consumo na África do Sul e no Brasil ("Sugar relationships: sex, affection, and consumption in South Africa and Brazil"), published in 2019 in the Revista Estudos Feministas. The researcher looks at how these relationships are portrayed in South Africa and brings that debate into conversation with Brazilian scholarship. It isn't a direct comparison between the two countries, but a dialogue between studies asking the same question: what happens when money, sex, and affection meet in the same relationship?

Who the blessers are

In South Africa, the blesser is a kind of modern version of the sugar daddy: a man with greater purchasing power who offers money, gifts, or other perks to a younger woman. The phenomenon gained visibility in the press and on social media, and news coverage often links it to the exploitation of girls, teenage pregnancy, and HIV transmission. Officials, religious leaders, and political organizations began discussing the practice, often in a tone of alarm.

But can every relationship of this kind be reduced to the story of a predatory man and a deceived woman? Tiriba doesn't ignore the risks, especially the inequalities that can make it harder to negotiate condom use or to refuse certain demands. At the same time, she highlights the variety of these arrangements and the importance of considering how the women themselves understand their choices.

Money, sex, and affection don't live apart

A central point of the discussion is that money, sex, and affection don't necessarily sit in separate compartments. A gift can be a sign of care; financial support can be part of a relationship that also involves intimacy, companionship, and commitment. That doesn't mean every exchange is fair, or that power differences disappear. It means that the presence of money, on its own, doesn't explain everything that happens between two people.

The South African context

The setting helps explain why these relationships gain ground: unemployment, inequality, and shifting expectations around marriage. The article mentions, for example, lobolo, a marriage payment traditionally made to the bride's family. When economic conditions make these exchanges harder, other forms of bonding and of moving resources can emerge.

What about Brazil?

Tiriba connects the topic to Brazilian research on sex markets, tourism, mobility, and the relationship between money and intimacy. This connection challenges the idea that transactional sex is limited to certain countries or social groups. The author warns against viewing poor and African communities as exotic, as if the link between sexuality and money were unique to those places.

Another aspect is how the women describe these relationships. Some seek access to consumer goods, experiences, status, or social mobility. On social media, expressions like "sugar lifestyle," "It girl," and "empowered dating" help frame these choices as part of a personal project. But that language doesn't erase the gender, class, and racial inequalities running through these relationships.

Not just exploitation, not just empowerment

The discussion doesn't have to fit into two categories. A relationship can involve desire, self-interest, care, consumption, and power differences all at once. The proportions vary, as do each person's expectations. To understand these relationships, we need to look at the context, the negotiations, and the meanings participants themselves give to what they offer and receive.

Perhaps the most interesting question isn't whether a sugar relationship is, by definition, one thing or another, but what is being exchanged, how that exchange happens, and what each person expects from it. After all, even a blessing can come with expectations.