Why Do Some Women Start and Stay in Sugar Dating?

Sugar dating is a type of relationship in which one person offers money, gifts, or other benefits in exchange for companionship, attention, and, in some cases, sexual intimacy. Although often equated with prostitution, it can take very different forms, from clearly agreed-upon sex to something closer to dating or friendship.

A master's thesis defended by Taylor Ann Lenze in 2020 set out to understand why some young college women enter this kind of relationship and, above all, why they stay in it after finishing college. To find out, the researcher interviewed eight American women who had been sugar babies.

Getting started: friends and curiosity

One of the most interesting findings is that money was not necessarily the main reason to start. Most of the women did not describe their entry as a decision made out of extreme poverty or desperation.

Many learned about sugar dating through friends or people in their social circle. Once someone close had tried it, the practice no longer seemed distant or strange and came to be seen as just another relationship option.

This helps explain an important difference between starting and staying. At first, friends' influence and curiosity mattered most. After trying it, the concrete benefits carried more weight, and the main one was money.

After college

The interviewees were mostly middle-class, college-educated women. They did not need the money to survive, but they faced an uncertain economic life: a degree did not guarantee a good job, some had student debt, and many were still trying to build a career. In that context, sugar dating offered something hard to find in other jobs: relatively quick money and flexibility.

That is why graduation did not mean leaving these relationships behind. When the expected job did not appear or did not bring security, going back remained an option. One participant stopped sugar dating after graduating, believing she was starting a new professional chapter. When she did not land the job she wanted right away, she returned, and the fact that she also enjoyed the experience made the decision easier.

Mentorship: a bonus, not the reason

Some women valued contact with older, more experienced men, from whom they hoped to get advice, connections, and career guidance. This idea of "mentorship" shows up often in sugar dating websites' advertising. The study shows, however, that it worked more as an added benefit: none of the interviewees would keep the relationship for professional guidance alone, without some financial or material gain.

Pleasure, attention, and control

Personal pleasure was another factor. Some enjoyed the attention, feeling desired, the sexual experience, the gifts, or simply the dynamics of these relationships. They also described a sense of independence: they could set boundaries and decide whom to meet.

This sense of control is central. They did not see themselves as being swept along by circumstances, but as people making conscious decisions to improve their own lives.

The costs of the experience

But the experience was not always positive. The women faced fear of being found out, judgment from friends and family, unpleasant situations, and, in some cases, financial or emotional problems. Secrecy could lead to isolation, since many did not feel free to talk about it with people close to them.

Traditional relationships also played a role. Some stopped when they met a partner they wanted to build a relationship with. The reason was not graduation, but a relationship that came to matter more.

A life strategy

The study's main conclusion is that there is no single reason to start or to stay. For these women, the practice combined curiosity, friends' influence, money, pleasure, attention, experiences, and opportunities. What begins as something a friend introduces can become a source of income and stability, and as long as the benefits outweigh the perceived costs, there is no reason to quit just because college is over.

Sugar dating thus appears as a strategy some women build into their lives during a period of financial and professional uncertainty. For the participants, it was not about choosing between "freedom" and "exploitation," but about balancing money, independence, relationships, and their own goals.